Tuesday, November 13, 2012

a worry free mom

i don't think there are such thing....a worry free mom, i mean.
or maybe there is... i don't know.

for me, i've always feel worry about Sarah.

when i was pregnant with her, i was worried that i didn't give her enough nutrition eventho i take my vitamins eat healthy foods and milk religiously.
I was worried that my baby will got disease or not normal because of my fault.
even after 4D USG that clearly shows how well Sarah doing inside my belly, i'm still worried.

when i was about to gave birth thru C-Sec, i'm getting worse, i'm so worried that my blood pressure went 130 while i'm actually tend to low blood pressure (100 is top).
i was worried that if thing gone wrong and sumthin happened with my baby, how am i gonna live without my baby whom i love long before she came?
I was worried sumthin bad will happened to me, i don't want my baby have to lose her mother and have to live without me to take care of her.

When she savely delivered, Alhamdulillah...my next worry is will i be a good mother for her. have i done it right in taking care of the new baby? what if i done sumthing wrong and harm her?
what if i forget something that caused her a disease?
what if she got a delayed on her growing? i monitored the growing chart religiously. it's not that i want a genious baby...just normal will be fine but i know i will never ever forgive myself if it is caused by my lack of awareness.

as she grow older my worry changed but it didn't go less than before.

i'm scared that someone will kidnaped her, i'm scared that she'll got injured while playing, i'm scared that she'll taken away from me....

i'm scared.

eventho it sounds ridiculous to scared too much...but believe me, a mother can feel me.

hahhh....i have to take a breath now.

this is exactly why i hate criminal, accident or nature disaster news, it flourish my paranoia.

Ya Allah, please take care of my baby in everything she do. Please guide her to be a good moslem. Please keep her safe, healthy and happy.

taken this morning... she loves drawing and writing evenmore since school.
she said: "gabar pukupuku (kupu2)

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